i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize