I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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