I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
two words...techno handjob
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
