People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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