note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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