Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
