Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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