The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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