I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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