Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize