Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
