You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize