i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
