I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
