I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
