There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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