The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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