guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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