Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
