Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
