we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize