no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
