It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
