My brain says no but my pants say off.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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