Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
