the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this is an emotional support booty call
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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