I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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