I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
