Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize