how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
