Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
