I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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