So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
