I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
