I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
