Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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