started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
