I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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