i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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