well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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