even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
