I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
