Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
