My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
