Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
