Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
