it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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