Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
