Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
