a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need water and some morals
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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