two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love you. Go after that dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
