I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
