So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
