i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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