she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize