Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
