I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
