it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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