Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
