I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
