You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
