sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
