i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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