just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
