I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
