i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
