So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
