Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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