In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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