i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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