I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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