new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
