Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
