You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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