it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
