Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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